The Trophy Wife
by Amity Bell
Summary: "Plato's Stepchildren, episode 67 of the *original* series, Captain Kirk and Lieutenant Uhura kiss -" Who was on the other end of that phone call Dean made in 4.17 "It's a Terrible Life?"


A/N: Ok, Suits/Supernatural crossover is a go. First Supernatural fic, even. Thank ladyknightanka and maja_li. :D

Disclaimer: I own nothing. At all. Ever.

The Trophy Wife (A.K.A. Lieutenant Uhura)

by Mischa Kitsune

"Harvey! My man. How's that amazing secretary of yours? Has she reconsidered my offer?" Dean pursed his lips in appreciation. Harvey was a lucky man.

"Give it up, you know I'm the best damn closer this city's ever seen." Harvey smirked through the glass towards Donna's desk. He knew she could hear every word over the intercom.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. You may be Captain Kirk, but I'm Spock and she's Uhura. And I'm sorry, -which- character got her, again?" Smirking triumphantly, Dean reached over and tapped the metal toy on his desk, sending it swinging wildly. On the other end of the line, Harvey scoffed.

"Plato's Stepchildren, episode 67 of the *original* series, Captain Kirk and Lieutenant Uhura kiss -"

"While under the influence of the crazy ass telepaths, I remember. Damn you for a Trekkie, anyway," Dean rumbled, annoyed at being bested. He heard the intercom beep over the line, and Donna's voice came clearly over the line.

"While I appreciate the attention, how about I make it easy for you boys. I'm a secretary, not a damn trophy wife." The beep came again, leaving Harvey staring at his intercom with bemusement.

"We'll have words about you holding out on me later, Donna." She sent Harvey a darkly flirtatious glance over her shoulder, eyes mocking.

"That woman is scary, you know that, right?" Dean said incredulously. Harvey sucked in a small breath, eying Donna warily.

"How are those suits Renee set you up with working out?" Harvey ignored the silent laughter he could sense from Donna at his adept sidestep. Dean didn't hide his laugh, Harvey's avoidance not slipping his notice, either.

"I feel like a Tonka truck with these primary colors. If he wasn't your tailor I wouldn't trust him for a minute." He distastefully held his bright red tie up for inspection.

"He's giving me hell for having mine let out. I've missed some days at the gym lately. Louis, that little weasel, tried to move in on some of my biggest clients this month." Harvey carefully kept his face from pulling into a mew of disgust.

"Oh, I hear ya. I haven't been to the gym in ages. Carrying a little bloat around myself."

"Too much time in a desk chair, you need to get out and have some fun. Meet some girls. There have to be some gold diggers that are interested in slumming it."

"Yeah, it's a sedentary lifestyle, my man. No two ways. Mr. Adler has me up for this big promotion, he keeps passive-aggressively riding my ass. Good stuff, big things," Dean mimicked. "It's been so long that I'm forgetting what girls look like."

Harvey barked a laugh and covered the speaker on the intercom with his hand.

"I am going to let you in on a secret. But you're going to owe me a favor, due whenever I say it's due. And no more trying to steal Donna away from me." Harvey's eyes flickered in Donna's direction, but he couldn't tell from her posture if she could still hear him. After 5 years she'd perfected her ability to be unreadable. Dean settled his weight on one elbow and rubbed his chin.

"You drive a hard bargain." He covered his lips with his palm for a moment while he thought, then pulled his hand away from his face. "But you have yourself a deal. Can't let a body like this go to waste, after all." Harvey smirked and leaned back in his chair.

"All right. It's lemon, cayenne, and maple syrup. Equal parts lemon and syrup with a teaspoon of cayenne." Dean sat forward to grab a pen and paper off his desk.

"All right, tell me one more time. You said uh, lemon and, what was it? Cayenne? And maple syrup, are you serious? How much did you lose?"

"Come on, Dean, you know better than to ask things like that. I'm a lawyer, not a numbers man. I don't give extra information like that." Dean raised his eyebrows in appreciation and gave a small laugh. The intercom beeped.

"Uh-oh, Louis is on the warpath and he's headed straight for us." Her eyes tracked the rodent-like man's approach, chin pulled down toward her neck. Harvey let out a small breath and picked his phone up off the hook. He grabbed the nearest file and pen off his desk and cradled the phone in the crook of his shoulder.

"All right Dean, I'm gonna have to let you go. You tell anyone about that recipe and you'll owe me a new wardrobe from Renee." He hung the phone back on the hook before Dean could answer, just in time to meet Louis with a scornful smile as he barged in. Dean looked at the phone and huffed. Typical Harvey.

"What happened, Louis? Finally found out I'm sleeping with your wife?" Louis gritted his teeth together and Harvey grinned inwardly. He'd found a new weakness.

A/N: Ok, I think that's all, folks. Totally ripped off parts of that convo, I hope you noticed!


End file.
